Q: But what if I want
to telephone?
A: Send an e-mail.
I don't do business over the phone. Why?
Well, we've all heard of those people who can't walk and chew gum at the
same time, . . . I can't work and talk on the phone at the same time, because
when I'm working I am giving my work my full attention.
That, and the fact that the last time I gave my
phone number to someone who just had to speak with the mask maker
before he'd place his order, not only did he not place any order at all,
but he shafted me with a killer phone bill -- the slimy little weasel had
charged his '900 number' calls to my number. May he roast, and without
the benefit of basting.
I am willing to schedule calls, but only for the
rare or extraordinary circumstances. Have your referral handy, because
I will ask for - and verify - it. You could try telepathy,
but I work to music, so I might not hear you -- unless you shout really
loudly.
Some may ask "Why haven't you answered my e-mail?"
Could be any of a number of reasons --
(1) The return
e-mail address you provided was invalid, so my response bounced because
of 'fatal errors'.
(please try again)
(2) The address you
initially e-mailed to was incorrect -- in other words, your e-mail never
reached me.
(please try again)
(3) My system might
have crashed (again), sending all messages into oblivion.
(please try again)
(4) I might be under
a very heavy work load and haven't had the chance, or I could be rebuilding
after a tornado (this is for real -- we were hit by a tornado in April
of 1998 -- egadz).
(patience, please)
(5) I might be taking
a much needed vacation/holiday.
(patience, please)
(6) Your communique was impertinent
and/or rude.
(harumph)
(7) Your server may have
automagically dumped my response -- those evil, rotten, nasty spammers
have highjacked my e-mail addy, causing it to be socially infected
with e-mail cooties, until said servers perform a 'cleansing' of some sort.
(grrrrr)
(please try again)
